10 years ago today I was admitted to the hospital. Little did I know what I was about to learn was going to impact my life dramatically! I had been complaining about my arm for a couple of days when I raised it above my head but I really didn't think about it. I woke up on a Tuesday morning and my arm was purple from the upper part of my arm all the way to my fingertips. I worked for a MD at the time so I went to his office and he immediatly sent me to the cardiologist upstairs. When I arrived, they said they were going to admit me for some tests. I thought- no big deal. I'll be in and out in no time. While doing all of this- I'm a freshmen in college!!
After I got to the hospital, I was admitted and it was found that I had a DVT (blood clot) in my right sub-clavian. For those that don't know where that is- it's right under your collar bone. So, for the next seven days, I endured the ICU, tons of poking and proding, throwing up, and lots of visits by my most amazing family and friends!!! So, I was diagnosed with Antiphophosolipid Antibody Syndrome. I was told that I had to take Coumadin (blood thinner) for the rest of my life. But don't worry- it shouldn't change my lifestyle too much. For the most part- it is just another interesting fact about me and I have to take some meds.
BUT the worst thing in my life ever- because of this syndrome I lost my precious baby girl Grace Addison whom I would die to have back in my life again!!! Not a day goes by that don't grieve for her, talk to her, cry for her and wish I could do anything to have her back. I have had a really hard time lately with everything because March 21 was my due date with her and I should have been celebrating her 1st birthday. But no, no one remembered that day (that is okay with me) and it was extremely hard for me. I celebrate her angel day and that is the day that I want everyone to remember so I guess it was and is private grieving that I'm going through. Honestly- it just SUCKS!!! I never thought in a million years that I would not be able to have children because I have loved and cared for so many throughout my childhood.
There's no real point to this post but I just needed to get it out. I feel at times that I just want to scream and this is one of them. I just wish that I could have my baby back.
The picture at the top is my favorite picture of Grace!!!